tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44049454339570503832024-03-13T15:17:03.046-04:00Uterine Money PitAmberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.comBlogger146125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-25753552723272721382013-08-23T12:29:00.000-04:002013-08-23T12:29:45.112-04:0021 Weeks, 2 Days: This is Why We Can't Have Nice ThingsI'm writing from the hospital and I think I'm mostly done crying. So far my little pups are okay, but my cervix is an asshole. At yesterday's cervix check the ultrasound showed that it had thinned and was starting to dilate. Hence the hospital. Maybe later I'll be able to write more, but right now my brain is on hiatus.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-62365280265393813402013-08-16T13:05:00.000-04:002013-08-16T13:05:18.792-04:0020 Weeks, 2 DaysEveryone's still plugging right along. We had a good anatomy scan last week--both babies were super cooperative and we got an amazing pic of Baby B's spine. it looks like I'm going to be having cervix checks every two weeks.<br />
HOWEVER . . . this week I've been having some terrible pain that my doctor suspects is GI related. Twice this week I've called the on-call doc near tears because of the pain. Both times it cleared up after some Tums (and last night some Tylenol). I must say I've been entirely unprepared for the bowel issues.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-19881533933967726052013-07-31T08:44:00.000-04:002013-07-31T08:44:26.695-04:0018 weeksPregnancy milestone: Last night someone in the neighborhood asked when I'm due while I was walking the dog.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-75161991481703380672013-07-30T13:58:00.001-04:002013-07-31T08:44:37.585-04:0017 weeks, 6 DaysI had the quad screening at my last appointment on July 19th, but (unsurprisingly) I hadn't heard anything back. Just as I would have waited forever for the results of my HIV and syphilis tests--both negative thankyouverymuch--I think I would have waited forever for the results of my screening if I hadn't called. Good news is everything's normal. One less thing to obsess over. Of course I worked myself into a bit of a panic when I looked at my online medical chart and noticed for my last visit the following health concern was added: "threatened abortion: antepartum." Um was there something they didn't tell me? But I asked the nurse who called with my results about this and she said it was already in there and for some reason was just updated on the 19th. I'll take her word for it . . . for now. And of course next Thursday I'll ask my MFM doctor about the quad screen and if we can really rest easy with the results.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-28990898885275449742013-07-25T08:01:00.002-04:002013-07-25T08:01:44.171-04:0017 weeks, 1 day: I had a dream last nightI had a dream I gave birth to the babies at home or rather someone's home. (Shades of Wang Lung although instead of a field, it was a bed). Both babies came rather easily and I delivered by myself using the basic instructions I read a day or two ago in <i><a href="http://site.booksite.com/4631/showdetail/?isbn=9780761148579" target="_blank">What to Expect . . .</a> </i>I checked each neck for umbilical cords and there weren't any. I had one boy and one girl and everything seemed perfect. And then instead of going to the hospital I pretty much just went around telling everyone about how I just delivered my own babies. So I get to the next day and I'm talking to someone about the babies and I realize I haven't done anything with them since giving birth. No feeding, no diapers, etc.<i> </i>I found them still in the room I gave birth in, but they were in a trash can. Despite being in a trash can for who knows how long, they were still in great shape. So I decided to try my hand at breast feeding. Girl baby was asking for juice and suckling on a sheet or paper.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-79213276130507916652013-07-24T08:33:00.000-04:002013-07-24T08:33:59.531-04:0017 weeksWe have plans to listen to the little pups with the doppler tonight. Now that we're 5 days out from our last appointment I'm catastrophizing. So hopefully some doppler time will calm things down a bit.<div>
Yesterday I found out a friend from college and his wife are expecting their first baby via a cute Facebook announcement. Then through private messaging I discovered they did IVF. We both shared a bit about our struggles and obviously I don't know how he feels about it, but I was sort of thrilled to find someone else from the IF community. It makes me more excited for their pregnancy. </div>
Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-61179453288498035072013-07-23T11:11:00.000-04:002013-07-23T09:35:44.789-04:00People Who Can Have Children - Updated 7/23/2013<br />
These people can all have children. I cannot.<br />
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<a href="http://www.nbc4i.com/story/22903226/couple-sought-after" target="_blank">Toddler Dies After Being Left With Space Heater; Parents Sought</a> - 16 month old left in room with space heater on for 10 hours (IN JUNE!)<br />
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<a href="http://www.newarkadvocate.com/article/20130131/NEWS01/301310007/1002/rss01">Officers: Coshocton parents confess to harming 3-month-old</a> - 3 month old baby has multiple fractures and burns (including on his scrotum!)<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2263421/Jonathan-James-10-dies-thirst-parents-withold-water-bedwetting-punishment.html" target="_blank">Boy, 10, died of THIRST after his parents refused him water for five days 'as punishment for wetting the bed'</a> - Dallas, TX; </span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">An emergency room doctor testified that the boy went into cardiac arrest, had multiple organs failure, blood poisoning and muscle breakdown as a result of being deprived of water.</span></h1>
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<a href="http://www.wkyc.com/news/story.aspx?storyid=279534">Steubenville: Couple admits putting kids in plastic boxes</a> - Couple used plastic storage containers sealed with duct tape to punish their 3 children (ages 5-8). Don't worry they did cut an air hole for them.<br />
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<a href="http://www.10tv.com/content/stories/2013/01/09/guernsey-county-man-kills-5-year-old-son-and-then-self.html">Guernsey County Man Kills 5-Year-Old Son, Self</a> - murder-suicide involving 5 yr old<br />
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<a href="http://www.wkyc.com/news/story.aspx?storyid=277667">Cleveland: Police investigate possible abuse of 18-month-old</a> - Unexplained bruises on toddler's face, ear, and leg. Child taken from 21 year old mother and placed in custody of paternal grandparents.<br />
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<a href="http://www.wkyc.com/news/story.aspx?storyid=277354" target="_blank">Vermilion: Parents, grandmother of dead infant behind bars</a> - toddler starved to death, other children in home malnourished<br />
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<a href="http://www2.nbc4i.com/news/2012/dec/28/investigators-lancaster-man-had-meth-making-materi-ar-1293054/" target="_blank">Investigators: Lancaster Man Had Meth-Making Materials, Kids At Home</a> - 30 year old man with 2 young kids at home (ages 2 & 4). Police were called by neighbors because of suspected drug activity in the house.<br />
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<a href="http://www2.nbc4i.com/news/2012/dec/20/ohio-woman-facing-5th-drunken-driving-charge-ar-1284375/" target="_blank">Ohio Woman Facing 5th Drunken Driving Charge</a> - 32 year old mother caught drunken driving with her 8 year old son and a bottle of rum in the car.<br />
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<a href="http://www2.nbc4i.com/news/2012/dec/20/mom-charged-after-thrown-baby-dies-ar-1284374/%C2%A0" target="_blank">Mom Charged after Thrown Baby Dies</a> - 25 year old mother threw her 6 month old baby against a hard surface. He suffered skull fractures and brain damage and died at the hospital.<br />
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<a href="http://www.10tv.com/content/stories/2012/12/18/mansfield-parents-indicted-in-connection-with-2-year-olds-burning-death.html">Parents Indicted In Connection With 2-Year-Old’s Scalding Death</a> - I don't blame them at all for the scalding death. That was a tragic tragic accident. However, no one involved realized he needed major help. I'm not as upset about this family. They're more on the fringes of my anger at the universe.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-10226336649005839772013-07-22T14:46:00.000-04:002013-07-24T08:34:12.144-04:0016 weeks, 5 daysI had an appointment with my OB Friday, but it was rather non-exciting. From here on out all my appointments with her office will just check bp, urine, and baby hbs. Both babies checked in low to mid 150s. So that's good. What wasn't good was waiting in the stuffy exam room for an hour. Beyond unhappy with that.<br />
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I'm starting to tell more people about my "delicate condition," so I guess I'm feeling more comfortable. I sent a message to a cousin Friday (I'll be attending her baby shower on the 3rd) and then 2 other friends today, and I told my retired boss when I ran into him in the parking lot today.<br />
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Also today, I cashed the check I received from the small life insurance policy my grandma left to my sister and me. I've been putting off doing anything with it, because I wanted to make sure it was something special (no paying bills with this money) and I couldn't decide what to do with it. Last week I got a letter from the group that sponsored the policy saying I had until this Wednesday to cash the check. So that's what I did. I cashed it and plan to squirrel away the money until I come up with something worthy. I think I'll probably end up just getting a cd or something at the bank until I figure it out. After I left the bank I sat in my car and cried. And then I drove to the grocery store where I engaged in more car crying. And that's the other reason I've put it off. Cashing the check just adds another layer of finality. I don't want the money. I want my grandparents.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-44474484591714945712013-07-09T14:49:00.000-04:002013-07-09T14:49:21.251-04:0014 weeks 6 daysYesterday's recheck appointment went well despite a madhouse environment in the waiting room. The clot is smaller. The doctor thinks there's a chance it could have been a nonviable 3rd embryo. With all the bleeding early on I could definitely believe that. The hbs were 162 and 167.<br />
Now the waiting room . . . one couple had both sets of parents, a set of grandparents, and siblings. There was a couple fighting. One woman had 3 kids with her. It was overwhelming to say the least. When they called me back to check my weight and bp my initial reading was 144/90. The nurse asked if I was nervous and I said the conditions in the waiting room had put me on edge. She had me pee in a cup, but that seemed to be okay. When they checked my bp after the ultrasound I was down to 124/83.<br />
So between the bp check and the ultrasound we sat near the couple with the entourage. The woman was pregnant with twins. They were talking to another couple expecting twins. The twin mom without the entourage said, "You know as you get older, your chances of twins increases. That's why you see so many people walking around with twins now." My dear husband and I exchange a look and under my breath I said, "yeah because fertility treatments." Now I know not every woman in her 30s or 40s with twins received infertility treatment, but a lot of them are the result of treatment. Heck I know someone who had twins in her late 20s thanks to infertility treatments. But I'm getting away from the main point of the story, which is: THERE OUTTA BE A LIMIT ON HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU CAN BRING WITH YOU TO A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT. Also, leave the children at home if at all possible. I mean, only bring your kids as an absolute last result, but remember your kids will never be as irritating as the 7 or 8 adult family members you might want to bring with you.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-90351007945384878572013-07-02T10:14:00.000-04:002013-07-02T10:14:11.182-04:0013 weeks 6 DaysI've continued spotting since last Monday. Friday morning was a little bit more, so i stayed home for a few hours and went back to bed for morning napping and water drinking. When I woke up I was incredibly thirsty, so I wasn't sure if that was part of the problem? In any case as I was drifting back to sleep around 8:15 I got a text from my husband asking me to let him know when I got to work and how I was feeling. Then I drifted off to sleep for real UNTIL I had a crazy dream and woke up confused and completely disoriented. In my dream I woke up from my nap and it was almost 1:00 pm. I had never intended to sleep that long, so I was upset with myself and kind of stumbling around. Then I was looking for our dog and finally found her tied up outside with a plastic bag stuck in her mouth. She was fine, but she would have been out there since 7:00 am. And I noticed a potted plant from our front step was now on our back step, which made me even more irritated with my husband. Things like that kept happening until I managed to wake myself up. It was so real and so completely the order I would be doing things that I was super confused when I found I was actually in bed. I fumbled for my cell phone and saw it was only 9:00 am. Not wanting to go back into bizarro dream world I decided to just get up and go to work.<br />
Okay, so I never did a follow-up from last Monday's worried post. Both babies looked good on the ultrasound and doc noticed a clot located away from the placentas and not too big. I'm going back next Monday for them to check the clot and heart rates of the babies. Although I still fall prey to negative thoughts at some point I just have to accept what the doctors say sometimes. What I'm clinging to now is that the doctor said it would be extremely rare to lose babies that looked as good as ours did last Monday. So unfortunately they couldn't do the first trimester screening, because I was bleeding. Apparently active bleeding messes up the hormone levels in the blood samples the take. But they didn't see anything that concerned them on the ultrasounds, so they weren't that worried about the screening and they said that if something seemed suspicious later they could always order the MaterniT21 test. I was so glad he didn't suggest amnio.<br />
Also last week our dog Maggie had her teeth cleaned and ended up getting one of her top incisors removed. She seems much perkier (could be the pain meds) and has been really excited about the mandatory canned food for the week. The vet originally thought the tooth would come out pretty easily, but because she's Maggie it took some cutting and stitching so her mouth's a little more sensitive. The vet said her incisor was the size of most dogs' canines. That's my girl.<br />
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Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-89181782654561194182013-06-24T10:03:00.002-04:002013-06-24T10:03:59.007-04:0012 weeks, 5 daysSo of course I woke up to bright red bleeding this morning. This afternoon is my first appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine. I planned to work until noon and then come home, get ready, and then head to the doctor. So since I was bleeding I also took the morning off. My OB's office said to keep the MFM appointment, but to let them know about the bleeding.<br />
Other things that concern me: my TSH last week had dropped from 1.99 in May to 0.457, I've had 3 b.m.s since 6 am, and I'm doing lots of urinating this morning.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-47004814700020992242013-06-20T08:13:00.000-04:002013-06-20T08:13:34.775-04:0012 weeks 1 dayWell, it would seem that I've made it to week 12. Wow. I'm a little nervous, because I'm not as exhausted as I was last week, but then I remember that's expected. I am experiencing constipation, so there's that. (I'd much rather be exhausted). I had an appointment with my GP yesterday to discuss thyroid monitoring during pregnancy. Both she and her assistant were WAAAAYYYY excited for me. That was nice. I've been so guarded with my emotions, but I let the shields down a little bit and let them be excited for me and let myself be excited. It felt good, but I'm back to being guarded now. It's called self preservation.<br />
Monday is my big ole first trimester screening with Maternal Fetal Medicine. Then we wait until July 19th for the next OB appointment. I feel like the results of the first trimester screening will determine when we'll start spreading the news and what news we'll be spreading.<br />
In other news, the dog has stopped eating. I suspect it's related to her teeth and I am planning to call the vet's office to get something set up. We decided that since the EOB for my hospital visit came through and it's being covered at 100% that we could spend the money we were going to spend on that for the poor dog.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-77773506663502518842013-06-14T14:49:00.000-04:002013-06-14T14:49:37.234-04:0011 Weeks, 2 DaysEverything was fine at today's ultrasound. They were both moving around. So since things looked good and I haven't had any spotting for a week and a half, I don't go back to the OB until July 19th. OMG that feels like forever. But we do have the appointment with maternal fetal medicine June 24th, so it's not like we're actually going a month without seeing our lil pups. Also, I don't have to "take it easy" anymore. Pretty excited about that. The doc said to get out and enjoy things now, because later on there might be all kinds of restrictions.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-28639293092627427532013-06-12T09:51:00.000-04:002013-06-12T09:51:15.843-04:0011 WeeksI have an appointment in two days, but I've convinced myself (again) that it's not going to be a good appointment. Of course I desperately want it to be, but I don't feel anything. At 11 weeks pregnant shouldn't I feel something? I'm wearing bigger pants and skirts, but I don't even really feel bloated anymore. And I'm no longer feeling nausea when I go too long between meals. I am fairly ravenous, but that's about it. I'm tired, but not as tired. I just wish I could know that everything's okay. I'll know on Friday one way or another, but I just want everything to work out this time. Our last time.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-16651154079632559062013-06-10T08:59:00.000-04:002013-06-10T08:59:13.492-04:0010 weeks, 5 daysLast week was our first without an ultrasound. It was a fairly uneventful week for my uterus and surrounding area with nothing more notable than light spotting. Is it weird that I'm bothered by that? My mind is so messed up from all this infertility and related nonsense that no matter what happens I read it as a bad sign. Bleeding? Bad. Not bleeding? Possibly bad, because I've been bleeding the entire time and everything's been fine so why did I stop now? I guess we'll find out this Friday.<br />
Another thing that's giving me pause is that two of the four of us in my online group who started with twins are now down to singletons. They're both pretty devastated and understandably so. (I think they both might have been IVF). While I've considered the possibility of losing one of my little pups, I haven't really considered my emotional response to such a thing. I've considered the absolute soul crushing grief of losing both, but when I was in the ER the thought that maybe one could still be okay was reassuring. But again IVF is a different animal. And since so far both little pups have been okay I haven't really been put in the position they have.<br />
Okay now I'm going to indulge my vanity. I am absolutely back in my "fat" clothes and it pains me. I know I'm gaining weight and that's good for the pups, but I worked so hard to lose those almost 30 pounds and dropping 2 sizes was an amazing feeling. Last summer I felt the best I've ever felt, so psychologically going back to these clothes is difficult. Let me just say that I would much rather be pregnant than thinner and I hope I get much much bigger with my two little pups growing as big as possible, but this is a struggle that I don't feel I can really communicate. And maybe it's because with my infertility brain I'm having such a hard time accepting that this pregnancy is really happening to me.<br />
In other news . . . we now have names for every contingency. We've been set for years with a boy name and a girl name we like. It was just a matter of what if we have two boys or two girls? Now we're ready with 3 options for a 2nd boy and 3 options for a 2nd girl. I feel weird about being so prepared this early . . . like we're just asking for something bad to happen. But I'm also glad to have some options we both agree on especially since Josh's brother and his wife are still trying to agree on a name for their boy who could be born any second now.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-13830108808932878912013-05-30T11:32:00.000-04:002013-05-30T11:32:54.114-04:009 weeks 1 DayWell, tomorrow's another ultrasound. I stayed home from work yesterday, because my bleeding in the morning graduated from spotting to period-level bleeding. So I spent much of the day sleeping and the rest of it watching the rest of the first season of Downton Abbey, reading, eating, and a quick trip to library. The night before I was also in a lot of pain and barely slept. It was on my right side from my mid-back down to my upper thigh. I wound up taking some extra strength tylenol every 4 hours and that helped a little. By morning the pain was much less and by the end of the day it was gone completely.<br />
I'm back at work today, but I fear I may have overdone it with unpacking some boxes in my office. Hopefully not. I'm still just spotting, but I had some abdominal discomfort so I stopped and got back to sedentary computer based activities.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-88979082632902233462013-05-28T08:02:00.000-04:002013-05-28T08:02:50.692-04:008 weeks 6 DaysRight now I am pregnant. I can't speak for tomorrow or next week or even this afternoon, but at this very moment I am pregnant. Today I am worried, because this morning was a bit beyond spotting. And for the first time in about a week there is red and not just brown. And I can't decide if there are cramps or not, so if there are they are not severe. I let myself go without eating long enough to get some morning nausea, because sometimes I just want to feel that to remind myself that I'm presently pregnant. And the worst part for me is being nervous about something happening today and not wanting to say anything to my husband. He starts a new job today, so I didn't even tell him I was worried about the change in bleeding this morning. I don't want him worrying about me all day. So I'm asking all the powers in the Universe to make today okay. Please please please make today and tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and the day after that okay.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-28200207303385178412013-05-20T12:32:00.000-04:002013-05-28T08:04:02.088-04:007 weeks, 5 daysToday I am pregnant. I don't know the future of this pregnancy, but as of today I have carried these embryos for 7 weeks and 5 days, which is longer than before. Saturday we thought we had lost them, but after a trip to the ER we learned they were still there--appropriately sized and hearts beating away. Since the story of Saturday is a bit on the gory side I've put it after the jump. You've been warned.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Saturday morning I woke up to a slight gush of red blood. It filled the pantyliner I was wearing, so I switched to an actual pad. It was similar to what happened the Sunday before, so I decided to just "take it easy." No reason to call the on-call doc to be told to rest and call back on Monday. The bleeding pretty much stayed light to spotting. We went to the library and bank in the afternoon and then early evening a friend called to see if we wanted to hang out. I figured I could just as easily take it easy on their couch as opposed to mine, so we went over. Nothing too eventful until right before we were going to eat dinner I stood up and felt some blood. I grabbed a pad and went to the bathroom.<br />
The pad I was wearing was beyond full and blood was still gushing. no other way to describe it. I changed my pad, cleaned up the best I could, and left the bathroom. My husband was getting ready to go outside for a cigarette. "We have to leave now." On the way to the hospital I called the paging service, told them I was experiencing heavy bleeding and I was on the way to the hospital. We also texted my sister.<br />
Once we got the medical center we weren't sure where to park. So we just took a spot in a parking garage and started walking. We went the wrong way and wound up by the mental hospital. All the while I could feel more blood and "stuff" making an exit. My husband and I went into the mental hospital hoping there would be someone there to give directions, but there was no one at the desk and no one seemed to be around. I went in the bathroom and made him come with me. When I pulled down my pants there was blood everywhere and a large-ish chunk of something fell onto my panties. I wailed and he left one more time to try to find help. He came back with no result. I cleaned myself up the best I could and we decided to go back to the car and then start back in the opposite (and obviously correct) direction.<br />
After going through security and giving a quick explanation at check-in, we were ushered back for the initial consultation. Something about active bleeding seems to jump you to the front of the line. I wasn't completely sure why we were there. I miscarried and now I was done. What else could they do--except charge us money. But in the back of my mind I thought, <i>there could still be one. One could still be okay.</i><br />
We were eventually ushered into a room. I traded my bloody pants for a hospital gown. And we mostly sat and waited. Blood was taken, a urine sample was provided, my sister brought me a bag of pants (and snacks) so I could wear something not bloody home. Then the resident doc wheeled in an ultrasound machine and prepped me for a pelvic exam. First she tried to clear away blood with cotton balls, so she could get a view of my cervix. Not pleasant. Then she decided to check my cervix manually. Very not pleasant. Then came the longest transvaginal ultrasound of my life. The only comments she was making were things like, "I'm just trying to get a good view of everything." And "sorry I know this is uncomfortable." So I finally asked, "Are they both gone?" She seemed somewhat surprised I was asking and said, "No, they're still right there. Size looks good. Hearts are beating." What the what?<br />
The head doc came in and spoke to us before we left. She said something similar had happened to her. Then they sent us on our way. I am so grateful for the care we received at the hospital. I am grateful for my sister. And I am especially grateful for my husband--a man who can see a good size chunk of something fall out of my vagina and still talk about how much he loves me.<br />
Yesterday I pretty much just lounged in bed. We went out for dinner later and then back home to bed. This morning I called my OB's office for a followup. They said to "take it easy." Work's okay since I have a desk job. As long as I don't start having period level (or more) bleeding. If I do then I should call in. I have another tv ultrasound scheduled for Friday. Fingers crossed we make it that far without another catastrophe.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-81838893389310284372013-05-14T08:52:00.000-04:002013-05-14T08:52:14.248-04:00Will I have any brown hair left at the end of this?My wonderful wonderful doctor worked me in yesterday for an ultrasound to check on the little guys . . . and EVERYTHING'S FINE! Even better? She let me keep my original appointment for this Friday, so she could get another look at how they're growing.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-13221815007197517782013-05-13T09:06:00.000-04:002013-05-13T09:06:14.730-04:00Mother's DayIt really does suck in its own special way. Facebook is HELL as everyone is posting trite tributes to moms in general. People who post specifically about the very specific moms in their life? No biggie. People who post sweeping generalizations about motherhood and the women who become mothers? How fortunate for you that you don't know what some people are going through.<br />
Last week I thought it would be awful to find out I was losing a pregnancy the Thursday before Mother's Day--oh the cruelty. At the time I did not know I would wake up early Mother's Day to bleeding. I spent 2.5 days thinking the Universe wasn't awful and cruel then came yesterday. I'm hoping everything's okay since the actual bleeding didn't last very long and I've been back to spotting since yesterday morning. But there was some gray material I wiped away last night, so that's potentially not good. My doctor is working me in today at 11:45. Fingers crossed for good news. A little over 2 hours until I leave for the doctor.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-36478399216163672852013-05-09T14:10:00.000-04:002013-05-09T14:10:00.209-04:00Fine . . . hope can stay a little bit longerI had an ultrasound today and I saw 2 sacs and 2 heartbeats. So now I'll let myself officially feel a little bit excited. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my regular ob-gyn for what they call "OB Ed," so they can give me a big list of things to do and not do, I'm guessing. Then next Friday an appointment with my ob-gyn. Hopefully it's another ultrasound. And hopefully everyone's growing accordingly.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-23304945741185145702013-05-08T09:39:00.000-04:002013-05-08T09:39:55.565-04:00That thing where you keep doing the same thing and you expect different resultsSo almost 2 weeks ago I had another positive pregnancy test. My first beta was over 1,000 and my 2nd was over 5,000. My first ultrasound was supposed to be this Friday. You know, the Friday before Mother's Day. Maybe it was because I had such high numbers, but despite my natural pessimism (and let's be honest I've earned this pessimism), once again I let myself experience hope. Fuck hope. I pictured putting a freshly printed ultrasound pic in my mom's Mother's Day card. Despite my non-belief in higher powers and fate and all that malarkey I let myself believe having my IUI on my recently deceased grandmother's birthday would mean something to the universe. So here we are 2 days before ultrasound (where I imagined I would see 2 perfect embryos) and I'm spotting with cramps. Since I've also been fighting a particularly nasty cold I've granted myself a sick day. I've decided to try that time honored home remedy of lying in a dark room feeling sorry for myself as I wait for my doc's office to call me back. Will it make everything (or anything) better? Probably not, but since nothing else will either I'm willing to give this a try.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-20524756204609877162013-04-17T15:21:00.000-04:002013-04-17T15:21:46.108-04:00Cycle Day 21: Happy Birthday to MeYesterday's progesterone was 35.3. I did a booster of Novarel and am now waiting until Friday, April 26th to test since it takes 10 days for the HCG to leave my system.<br />
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Today I turn 34, which makes me officially one year away from ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE. So here's hoping this gets sorted out. I'm decidedly unhappy with the way things have gone with my nurses this time. Again, really really hoping this is it for me.<br />
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I had a dresser delivered today. Specifically picked today, because talk about a birthday present. Upon inspection, the drawers are all wonky. This makes me feel many different ways . . . irritated, meh, angry, meh, sad, meh, and super irritated. I think I'm so PTSDy from all these losses (especially the last one) that I don't really have many emotions. Who needs drugs to feel like an absolute zombie when you have recurrent pregnancy loss?<br />
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Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-41011894229370354362013-04-12T13:32:00.001-04:002013-04-12T13:32:46.418-04:00Cycle Day 16: Life Goes OnMy grandmother has been dead a week now. I was inseminated on Tuesday morning--the day of her funeral (and what would have been her 80th birthday). It would be great if this worked, but if it couldn't work for our wedding anniversary, why would it work for my grandmother's birthday? I want to write something about my grandmother's influence and all that. Must make it happen.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404945433957050383.post-80554111448184528242013-04-04T15:09:00.000-04:002013-04-04T15:09:58.016-04:00Cycle Day 8: Grow Grow GrowMy estradiol level was 480, my lining was 13 (they want it over 6), and I have some growing follies. The largest one was 14, but I think there was a 13 or two, maybe an 11, and a 9. So the plan is to continue 150 of gonal-f for tonight and tomorrow night and then go for another scan Saturday morning at 8:00 am. The doctor today thought I might be triggering on Saturday. Or it could be Sunday. Also Saturday morning, we're getting our eye exams. So it's shaping up to be another busy weekend.Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07304778510029934358noreply@blogger.com0