21 Weeks, 2 Days: This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

I'm writing from the hospital and I think I'm mostly done crying. So far my little pups are okay, but my cervix is an asshole. At yesterday's cervix check the ultrasound showed that it had thinned and was starting to dilate. Hence the hospital. Maybe later I'll be able to write more, but right now my brain is on hiatus.

20 Weeks, 2 Days

Everyone's still plugging right along. We had a good anatomy scan last week--both babies were super cooperative and we got an amazing pic of Baby B's spine. it looks like I'm going to be having cervix checks every two weeks.
HOWEVER . . . this week I've been having some terrible pain that my doctor suspects is GI related. Twice this week I've called the on-call doc near tears because of the pain. Both times it cleared up after some Tums (and last night some Tylenol). I must say I've been entirely unprepared for the bowel issues.

18 weeks

Pregnancy milestone: Last night someone in the neighborhood asked when I'm due while I was walking the dog.

17 weeks, 6 Days

I had the quad screening at my last appointment on July 19th, but (unsurprisingly) I hadn't heard anything back. Just as I would have waited forever for the results of my HIV and syphilis tests--both negative thankyouverymuch--I think I would have waited forever for the results of my screening if I hadn't called. Good news is everything's normal. One less thing to obsess over. Of course I worked myself into a bit of a panic when I looked at my online medical chart and noticed for my last visit the following health concern was added: "threatened abortion: antepartum." Um was there something they didn't tell me? But I asked the nurse who called with my results about this and she said it was already in there and for some reason was just updated on the 19th. I'll take her word for it . . . for now. And of course next Thursday I'll ask my MFM doctor about the quad screen and if we can really rest easy with the results.

17 weeks, 1 day: I had a dream last night

I had a dream I gave birth to the babies at home or rather someone's home. (Shades of Wang Lung although instead of a field, it was a bed). Both babies came rather easily and I delivered by myself using the basic instructions I read a day or two ago in What to Expect . . . I checked each neck for umbilical cords and there weren't any. I had one boy and one girl and everything seemed perfect. And then instead of going to the hospital I pretty much just went around telling everyone about how I just delivered my own babies. So I get to the next day and I'm talking to someone about the babies and I realize I haven't done anything with them since giving birth. No feeding, no diapers, etc. I found them still in the room I gave birth in, but they were in a trash can. Despite being in a trash can for who knows how long, they were still in great shape. So I decided to try my hand at breast feeding. Girl baby was asking for juice and suckling on a sheet or paper.

17 weeks

We have plans to listen to the little pups with the doppler tonight. Now that we're 5 days out from our last appointment I'm catastrophizing. So hopefully some doppler time will calm things down a bit.

Yesterday I found out a friend from college and his wife are expecting their first baby via a cute Facebook announcement. Then through private messaging I discovered they did IVF. We both shared a bit about our struggles and obviously I don't know how he feels about it, but I was sort of thrilled to find someone else from the IF community. It makes me more excited for their pregnancy. 

People Who Can Have Children - Updated 7/23/2013

These people can all have children. I cannot.

Toddler Dies After Being Left With Space Heater; Parents Sought - 16 month old left in room with space heater on for 10 hours (IN JUNE!)

Officers: Coshocton parents confess to harming 3-month-old - 3 month old baby has multiple fractures and burns (including on his scrotum!)

Boy, 10, died of THIRST after his parents refused him water for five days 'as punishment for wetting the bed' - Dallas, TX; An emergency room doctor testified that the boy went into cardiac arrest, had multiple organs failure, blood poisoning and muscle breakdown as a result of being deprived of water.

Steubenville: Couple admits putting kids in plastic boxes - Couple used plastic storage containers sealed with duct tape to punish their 3 children (ages 5-8). Don't worry they did cut an air hole for them.

Guernsey County Man Kills 5-Year-Old Son, Self - murder-suicide involving 5 yr old

Cleveland: Police investigate possible abuse of 18-month-old - Unexplained bruises on toddler's face, ear, and leg. Child taken from 21 year old mother and placed in custody of paternal grandparents.

Vermilion: Parents, grandmother of dead infant behind bars - toddler starved to death, other children in home malnourished

Investigators: Lancaster Man Had Meth-Making Materials, Kids At Home - 30 year old man with 2 young kids at home (ages 2 & 4). Police were called by neighbors because of suspected drug activity in the house.

Ohio Woman Facing 5th Drunken Driving Charge - 32 year old mother caught drunken driving with her 8 year old son and a bottle of rum in the car.

Mom Charged after Thrown Baby Dies - 25 year old mother threw her 6 month old baby against a hard surface. He suffered skull fractures and brain damage and died at the hospital.

Parents Indicted In Connection With 2-Year-Old’s Scalding Death - I don't blame them at all for the scalding death. That was a tragic tragic accident. However, no one involved realized he needed major help. I'm not as upset about this family. They're more on the fringes of my anger at the universe.