16 weeks, 5 days

I had an appointment with my OB Friday, but it was rather non-exciting. From here on out all my appointments with her office will just check bp, urine, and baby hbs. Both babies checked in low to mid 150s. So that's good. What wasn't good was waiting in the stuffy exam room for an hour. Beyond unhappy with that.

I'm starting to tell more people about my "delicate condition," so I guess I'm feeling more comfortable. I sent a message to a cousin Friday (I'll be attending her baby shower on the 3rd) and then 2 other friends today, and I told my retired boss when I ran into him in the parking lot today.

Also today, I cashed the check I received from the small life insurance policy my grandma left to my sister and me. I've been putting off doing anything with it, because I wanted to make sure it was something special (no paying bills with this money) and I couldn't decide what to do with it. Last week I got a letter from the group that sponsored the policy saying I had until this Wednesday to cash the check. So that's what I did. I cashed it and plan to squirrel away the money until I come up with something worthy. I think I'll probably end up just getting a cd or something at the bank until I figure it out. After I left the bank I sat in my car and cried. And then I drove to the grocery store where I engaged in more car crying. And that's the other reason I've put it off. Cashing the check just adds another layer of finality. I don't want the money. I want my grandparents.

Cycle Day 5: Money Money Money

I started giving my gonal-f injections Saturday night. I had forgotten about the smell. It's very band-aidy. Today at lunch I picked up a couple more boxes of the gonal-f and a box of novarel. $424.50. Sweet Jesus.

Also on Saturday we went the funeral of the mother of one of my sister's friends. I had never met her, but this particular friend is essentially an extra sister. She's been on family vacation with us. Sitting at the funeral we heard about what an amazing woman her mom was. She will definitely leave a void in the community and in the lives of her three children. It was a good service and more than once I found tears running down my face. I had waffled about going, but I'm glad we were there. Funerals are for the living, and I hoped the family was able to see how much they are loved.

Tomorrow's Another Year

Tomorrow's 2013. 2012 definitely had some ups and downs. On the upside: 1. My dad survived a serious heart attack; 2. I started running and lost over 20 pounds; 3. Found out we could refinance our house; 4. most relaxing vacation ever at Pymatuning State Park; 5. Aniiversary getaway to Port Clinton; 6. post-miscarriage family vacation to Myrtle Beach
On the downside: 1. another miscarriage; 2. an ectopic pregnancy; 3. spent lots of money

We might spend NYE with my sister and her fam. We might not.

Weight: 160.7 lbs

Today's Mix (20 minute program+ time to end of last song, 320 calories):

Heart in Your Heartbreak - Pains of Being Pure at Heart
Queer - Garbage
Time to Dance - Panic at the Disco
The Inevitable Return of the Great White Dope - The Bloodhound Gang
Ring My Bell - Anita Ward
Local God - Everclear

Embedded music videos after the jump.

Cycle Day 11: Onward

At today's ultrasound I had one follie at 21, one at 14-something, and more at 10. So we're moving ahead with the trigger shot. The IUI will be on Sunday. I don't have all my instructions yet, but just knowing the general order of things is helpful I guess.
The blood draw this morning was time consuming. Apparently they were short some people, so there was a lobby full of hormones just chomping at the bit. I had a book and I hate bitching about waiting room times, so I kept to myself. But there were some that were just feeding off each other. Sheesh. Was I happy about waiting over half and hour? No. Was there anything I could do? No. So I kept my mouth shut and read my book.
I had my doctor for the scan, so I felt more confident about everything. Mostly. My Wednesday estrogen level was 708, so it will be interesting to see today's. Wednesday and Thursday I dropped down to 75 units of gonal-f, so I still have 2 vials of Bravelle and one unused gonal-f pen. Hopefully I won't need them, but they're there if I do, I guess.

Today was another $44.43, so my running total thus far is $594.08.

Cycle Day 4: TGIF?

Last night marked the beginning of my injections. I picked them up from the pharmacy yesterday and spent $444.65 all together (gonal-f, novarel, and sharps container). It was going to be in the $600s, but apparently there's a discount program for gonal-f. So hooray.
Even though I still have 3 vials of Bravelle left, I started with the gonal-f pen last night. I was curious to see how it would work. It's supposed to be kept refirgerated and it's a pen with a "dial-a-dose" dealy, so yeah. When you prime the pen, a small bit of the meds comes out. My husband and I both thought it smelled bandagey. So that was weird-ish. On the whole it's a slightly different technique, and I'm not sure I like it just yet. With the Bravelle, it's an actual syringe and the plunger depresses MUCH further and it just feels like you've actually done something. But oh boy I'll sure get that feeling when it's time for the trigger shot. :(
We ran again on Wednesday and will go again tonight. I was slower Wednesday, but I think it was due to a combination of feeling like crap and 80 degree temps. Today's high is supposed to be 60, so we won't have that problem again. Still feeling a little jiggly in the butt area, but hopefully we can keep up the running through November and I'll get some muscle tone back. It'll still be under a layer of flab, but still . . .
And of all the things I'm not looking forward to . . . in-law visit on Sunday. Ugh.

Some Things

1. My doctor doesn't believe in taking time off after a pregnancy loss. She thinks I might just sit around and cry and dwell on things. Fuck her. I'm going to Medieval Times. There's no crying at Medieval Times. Or the Lazy River at the hotel pool!
2. The insurance company requires pre-auth on all genetic testing. Hey, Tea Partiers, this isn't Obamacare. The government's not deciding what kind of medical care I can receive. This is the SOP of insurance companies, because for some reason the insurance companies get to decide what level of care patients receive. Apparently they know better than the doctors.
3. Apparently in the authorization letter the insurance company faxed my doctor's office they have given the authorization to test, but they're not guaranteeing that they'll pay for the test. WTF insurance company? Either you're paying or you're not, because I'm sure as hell not paying out of pocket for genetic testing.
4. My TSH level is higher than the doctor likes, so I'm going to start thyroid medication. Some internet posters feel thyroid meds are magical and I should be able to get pregnant with a million babies once I start meds. Looking forward to that.
5. My parents called last night to say they want to help pay for part of last cycle's meds. Forget all the bad things I've ever said about them. Well, maybe not all . . . .
6. We went running after work yesterday. First time in about 1.5 months. More jiggling than I remember. I've only gained about 1-2 lbs since stopping running, but apparently it's all fat!

Cycle Day 2: Woman on the Edge

So something interesting happened yesterday afternoon. My insurance company called. The guy I was in the accident with in June has a lawyer. And they say he has some medical bills. And it turns out they're seeking more than my liability coverage. Well, hot dog. Insurance man says to sit tight for now to see if the guy will accept my liability amount. But court may be in my future. I'm not sure where they think this money would come from. We literally have nothing. We owe more on our house than it's worth and to be quite honest if Josh's parents didn't help a couple times a month with some shopping trips and random gift cards, we wouldn't be able to afford any level of fertility treatment. We don't live big fancy lives. And I've been fine with that. But now I'm scared that someone might be able to take away what little we do have.
I picked up my meds today from the pharmacy. I told the woman the discount on Bravelle is about the only good thing that's happened all week. And then I started crying.
And don't get me started about work . . .

Cycle Day 1: The Plan

Hello, cramps. I've really enjoyed your presence these past couple days. Yesterday was a super light flow, so the doc's office said to count today as Day One.

Bravelle starts Day Three (Saturday). I will do 1 vial Saturday through Monday. Then 2 vials Tuesday and
Wednesday. Thursday morning I will do bloodwork and an ultrasound. Then Thursday afternoon I'll get my next set of instructions.

Deep cleansing breaths . . .

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So I almost fell over DEAD when the pharmacy said the cost of the Bravelle + Novarel was going to be almost $700. Visions of Josh turning to life a stripping and/or prostitution . . . But then the wonderful woman on the phone put me on hold and checked to see if I qualified for some program. And by golly I did. So now my out of pocket Bravelle cost is $100 and the Novarel is $16.98. Bless the people at Avella Specialty Pharmacy. Last time we did this my out of pocket was $300-something. So this doubling thing . . . no good. But now I want to hug everyone at Avella and give them brownies. Is that normal? At least I'm not crying, because that's another way this could have gone. Tears of happiness that such an amazing discount program exists.

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We took my officemate to lunch today. This was what my fortune cookie revealed: You cannot put the same shoe on every foot. Try amending your plan.

Way to be supportive, cookie.