Tomorrow's Another Year

Tomorrow's 2013. 2012 definitely had some ups and downs. On the upside: 1. My dad survived a serious heart attack; 2. I started running and lost over 20 pounds; 3. Found out we could refinance our house; 4. most relaxing vacation ever at Pymatuning State Park; 5. Aniiversary getaway to Port Clinton; 6. post-miscarriage family vacation to Myrtle Beach
On the downside: 1. another miscarriage; 2. an ectopic pregnancy; 3. spent lots of money

We might spend NYE with my sister and her fam. We might not.

Weight: 160.7 lbs

Today's Mix (20 minute program+ time to end of last song, 320 calories):

Heart in Your Heartbreak - Pains of Being Pure at Heart
Queer - Garbage
Time to Dance - Panic at the Disco
The Inevitable Return of the Great White Dope - The Bloodhound Gang
Ring My Bell - Anita Ward
Local God - Everclear

Embedded music videos after the jump.

Back to Reality



Sunset from the 2nd Ave Pier, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

 Myrtle Beach was just what I needed. There was some time for contemplation, but for the most part it was just spending time with family. There are few things a week on a beach can't fix. Or maybe not fix exactly, but definitely ease. It was rough getting back into the daily routine this morning. What do you mean I can't stay in bed until 9:00? No lounging at the beach reading Diana Gabaldon? What kind of life is this?

Also, exciting was the Browns win over the Bengals yesterday.

Some Things

1. My doctor doesn't believe in taking time off after a pregnancy loss. She thinks I might just sit around and cry and dwell on things. Fuck her. I'm going to Medieval Times. There's no crying at Medieval Times. Or the Lazy River at the hotel pool!
2. The insurance company requires pre-auth on all genetic testing. Hey, Tea Partiers, this isn't Obamacare. The government's not deciding what kind of medical care I can receive. This is the SOP of insurance companies, because for some reason the insurance companies get to decide what level of care patients receive. Apparently they know better than the doctors.
3. Apparently in the authorization letter the insurance company faxed my doctor's office they have given the authorization to test, but they're not guaranteeing that they'll pay for the test. WTF insurance company? Either you're paying or you're not, because I'm sure as hell not paying out of pocket for genetic testing.
4. My TSH level is higher than the doctor likes, so I'm going to start thyroid medication. Some internet posters feel thyroid meds are magical and I should be able to get pregnant with a million babies once I start meds. Looking forward to that.
5. My parents called last night to say they want to help pay for part of last cycle's meds. Forget all the bad things I've ever said about them. Well, maybe not all . . . .
6. We went running after work yesterday. First time in about 1.5 months. More jiggling than I remember. I've only gained about 1-2 lbs since stopping running, but apparently it's all fat!

Habitual Aborter

Now that I've had three miscarriages, that's my official diagnosis. The doctor warned me, because it'll be on paperwork and probably on the EOBs from the insurance company. Apparently it really upsets some people, but for the most part I'm neutral about it. I know spontaneous abortion is the medical term for a miscarriage. The part of me that isn't neutral is amused. I know. Very mature.

Doctor: Do you know what the medical term is for women who have multiple miscarriages? It's not very nice.
Me: No . . . . (trying to think of what it could be)
Doctor: Habitual aborter.
Me: [snickering (because I'm polite. I saved the outright laughter for once we got in the car)]

Here's the thing. I support a woman's right to choose. And not just in certain circumstances. I believe the only valid reason for an abortion is because the woman has decided that's what is best for her specific situation--whatever that situation might be. I think some women going through infertility treatment feel conflicted about this if they started out pro-choice. But I'm unmoved from my position. An abortion is a decision that should be made by a woman and her doctor. Or the woman and her partner. Or sometimes just the woman by herself. Does it suck that I desperately want to pregnant and can't keep a pregnancy going while some women are ending what could turn out to be healthy pregnancies? Yes. But a lot of things suck. And as my dear mother was so fond of saying, "Life's not fair." She's still alive, but I just haven't heard her say that since I was a child. You see, we stopped saying "that's not fair" pretty early on in life.

My doctor suggested we keep tring with the injectibles and IUI, because that worked. I asked what additional work-up there could be now that I'm a habitual aborter and I've been existing with the belief since May 2011 (2nd miscarriage) that once I hit three SOMETHING would be done. Well, that thinking is sooooooo 2011. They don't do that now. But after some blah blah blahing she said we could do karyotyping. I called the insurance company this morning to check on coverage and they said it has to be pre-approved. So now I'm waiting on that. 90% will be covered once it's approved. I'm sure it still won't be cheap. But I guess it would be nice to know if we're just wasting our time.

Also, today I broke my rule about never telling Work anything. I've decided I want some time off. My family is planning a last minute trip to Myrtle Beach. I had been thinking my husband and I should try to get away for at least a long weekend. So this works out. Vacation therapy, right? So I talked to HR about taking time off and whether it could count as something other than vacation. She was very supportive and thinks it's going to work out. I just have to get the okay from my boss. So I figure I have to tell him. Ugh.

Cycle Day 13

I'm currently a little over 7 lbs away from driver license weight. That's pretty exciting. Last week we were on vacation, so no elliptical. But . . . 5 days of running first thing in the morning. I need every day to be a vacation day. I've been using the ovulation test kit since cd11 and I have my progesterone ready to go. Fingers and toes crossed, but definitely not getting my hopes up.

Maggie on Vacation

Crapton of Carp

Go to the Bank - James
Countdown- Pulp
I Don't Wanna Fall in Love - She Wants Revenge
Jaw, Knee, Music - NOFX
Disco Inferno - The Trammps
Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations
Same Old Song - The Pietasters
Shaking the Tree - Peter Gabriel