Cycle Day 13

I'm currently a little over 7 lbs away from driver license weight. That's pretty exciting. Last week we were on vacation, so no elliptical. But . . . 5 days of running first thing in the morning. I need every day to be a vacation day. I've been using the ovulation test kit since cd11 and I have my progesterone ready to go. Fingers and toes crossed, but definitely not getting my hopes up.

Maggie on Vacation

Crapton of Carp

Go to the Bank - James
Countdown- Pulp
I Don't Wanna Fall in Love - She Wants Revenge
Jaw, Knee, Music - NOFX
Disco Inferno - The Trammps
Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations
Same Old Song - The Pietasters
Shaking the Tree - Peter Gabriel

Spent Saturday in Cleveland with friends and ate too much good food, but I'm feeling pretty good about my weight today. It's higher than I'd like, but I know it's within a range that I'll still show some weight loss this week. Last week I read that women who eat 1/4 of their calories for breakfast are more successful with their weight loss, so I'm going to start trying to get at least 300 calories for my morning meal.







Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations
There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered . . . . - Panic at the Disco
Big Time - David Dallas
Sugarcane - Shaggy
Story of My Life - Social Distortion
Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz
Go to the Bank - James
What You Were - The Drums

Tuesday Mix and Modern Family Season Finale Spoiler

4.8 more pounds to go. Pretty sure I can make my deadline.

Last night we watched the season finale to Modern Family. Cameron and Mitch had a disappointment with their adoption quest and Mitch had a mini breakdown and they decided to take a break. And the portrayal of Mitch's frustration and emotional state was EXACTLY what I was experiencing before we decided to take a break. The whole trying not to get my hopes up, but getting them up anyway, the crushing disappointment when either the pregnancy didn't stick or there wasn't a pregnancy at all, the unending emotional pain . . . Everything he articulated was exactly how I felt and exactly why I felt such relief when I left the message with my doctor's office saying we were taking a break and I would call them when we were ready. It looks like we're almost ready (physically). I think I'm in a better place emotionally, but I don't know. I guess I won't know until I'm injecting the meds and my feet are back in the stirrups.

I am terrified. Absolutely terrified. Possible outcomes:
1. Nothing
2. Another loss
3. A successful pregnancy (which is really terrifying in another way)

What if we've spent all this time and money and we're not up to the task? What if we can't handle the disruption and noise and everything that comes with a baby? Maybe we'll never get a chance to address those issues. Maybe I'm so defective nothing will ever come of all this. Or maybe I'm with the wrong doctor. Maybe we would have seen success with someone else. Are we doing enough?

Yesterday's elliptical mix:

Let the Day Begin - The Call
Better off Dead - Bad Religion
Open Book - Cake
Go to the Bank - James
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
Bright Future in Sales - Fountains of Wayne
Camisado - Panic at the Disco
Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys
There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered . . . - Panic at the Disco
How's My Driving, Doug Hastings? - Less Than Jake
Just Like Frank - Less Than Jake
Just a Girl - No Doubt
Jaw, Knee, Music - NOFX
Build God, Then We'll Talk - Panic at the Disco
Army - Ben Folds Five

Another Non-Running Day

Up some more today. Ugh. I didn't work out yesterday, because my body violently rejected the Super Burrito from Old Bag of Nails. It's not the first time I've had it, but it had been pver a month and in that time we hadn't really gone out to eat much. My digestive system was very very unhappy with my dinner choice Saturday night. And although I didn't exercise yesterday I did eat the hell out of some lemon-based dessert my aunt made. So that is not helping. Today it's back on the program. I did 45 minutes on the elliptical and I'm obsessively counting calories. Not looking good for Friday's weigh-in. And I was really hoping we would go running, because we just bought a couple of iPod Nanos and I desperately want to use mine.



Jaw, Knee, Music - NOFX
Crazy - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
Maybe You're Coming Down With It - The High Strung
Go to the Bank - James
Got the Life - Korn
4 Out of 5 - Soul Coughing
Build God, Then We'll Talk - Panic at the Disco
Rock'n'Roll Lifestyle - Cake
I Found a Reason - VHS or Beta
Two of Us - The Beatles
When I Grow Up - Garbage
Camisado - Panic at the Disco
Blister in the Sun - Violent Femmes