Tuesday Mix and Modern Family Season Finale Spoiler

4.8 more pounds to go. Pretty sure I can make my deadline.

Last night we watched the season finale to Modern Family. Cameron and Mitch had a disappointment with their adoption quest and Mitch had a mini breakdown and they decided to take a break. And the portrayal of Mitch's frustration and emotional state was EXACTLY what I was experiencing before we decided to take a break. The whole trying not to get my hopes up, but getting them up anyway, the crushing disappointment when either the pregnancy didn't stick or there wasn't a pregnancy at all, the unending emotional pain . . . Everything he articulated was exactly how I felt and exactly why I felt such relief when I left the message with my doctor's office saying we were taking a break and I would call them when we were ready. It looks like we're almost ready (physically). I think I'm in a better place emotionally, but I don't know. I guess I won't know until I'm injecting the meds and my feet are back in the stirrups.

I am terrified. Absolutely terrified. Possible outcomes:
1. Nothing
2. Another loss
3. A successful pregnancy (which is really terrifying in another way)

What if we've spent all this time and money and we're not up to the task? What if we can't handle the disruption and noise and everything that comes with a baby? Maybe we'll never get a chance to address those issues. Maybe I'm so defective nothing will ever come of all this. Or maybe I'm with the wrong doctor. Maybe we would have seen success with someone else. Are we doing enough?

Yesterday's elliptical mix:

Let the Day Begin - The Call
Better off Dead - Bad Religion
Open Book - Cake
Go to the Bank - James
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
Bright Future in Sales - Fountains of Wayne
Camisado - Panic at the Disco
Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys
There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered . . . - Panic at the Disco
How's My Driving, Doug Hastings? - Less Than Jake
Just Like Frank - Less Than Jake
Just a Girl - No Doubt
Jaw, Knee, Music - NOFX
Build God, Then We'll Talk - Panic at the Disco
Army - Ben Folds Five

Thursday

Only 20 minutes today. I got so distracted by my marvelous weight. Today I am overweight. Huzzah. And less than 10 lbs to go until I start back with the fertility treatments. So that's also kind of exciting.



How's My Driving, Doug Hastings? - Less Than Jake
Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys
I Found a Reason - VHS or Beta
Army - Ben Folds Five
Jaw, Knee, Music - NOFX
My Goddess - The Exies
Money - The Drums

Wednesday

Elliptcialing this morning, because Josh isn't sure he'll be home in time for a run tonight.

The mix:

I Hope You Die - The Bloodhound Gang
My Sharona - The Knack
D.J. D.J - Transplants
Get You Some - Captain Planet
How's My Driving, Doug Hastings? - Less Than Jake
Should We Fight Back - The Parlotones
Army - Ben Folds Five
But It's Better if You Do - Panic at the Disco
Diamonds & Guns - Transplants
Basket Case - Green Day

Tuesday Evening Elliptical Mix

Better embedded or with links? I think embedded.

1. But It's Better If You Do - Panic at the Disco

2. Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys

3. Army - Ben Folds Five

4. Battleflag - Lo Fidelity Allstars

5. Should We Fight Back - The Parlotones

6. Sugarcane - Shaggy