Saturday's Elliptical Mix

I meant to finish this post sooner, but don't really have much to say. Yesterday I started getting sick. Sore throat, general aches, intense pain in my left side . . . With the side pain I wonder if it's ovulation related? Maybe an egg attempting to travel down a blocked tube? We'll see when my cycle starts and how things look with the HSG.

Losing My Religion - R.E.M.
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
Better Off Dead - Bad Religion
Kiss My Lips - Borgore and Dev
Shiny Happy People - R.E.M.
Papa Won't Leave You, Henry - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
No Evidence - SpaceGhostPurrp

Back in a Funk

Not as much exercising as I'd like these days. And way more eating than I'd like. I've just been so hungry. I haven't been tracking my food or exercise. So I'm in a funk about that too. I'd really like to just sit in a dark room stuffing my face. Not really. That would not make me happy. Nothing sounds good to me.

I also think I'm bloated. Today is CD 25. I've been averaging 26 days, so I'm thinking my off and on headaches and general meh-ness could be signs of my impending period. Which is crappy, because now that I'm ovulating . . . UGH! I was really hoping we wouldn't have to spend a crap ton of money on the shots, monitoring, and insemination.

Friday Josh found my engagement ring. That made me happy. I love my ring, but for a while my fingers were too fat to wear it AND my wedding band. I've been wearing it since Friday. And I guess looking down at it brings some level of happiness. We picked it out together at a small jewelry store in my hometown. It's a triangle cut garnet solitaire in a white gold setting.


Black Math - The White Stripes
Disco Inferno - The Trammps
Same Old Song - The Pietasters
Slipping Away - Stabbing Westward
Something Better - The Pietasters
Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger
Maybe You're Coming Down with It - The High Strung
Better Off Dead - Bad Religion

Canyonero

I got my rental today. I've gone from driving a Ford Focus (for the past 12 years) to a Kia Sorento. I know there are bigger SUVs, but I feel like I'm driving one of these:



And apprently there's a manual shift option that I kept turning on during my initial drive. But that's all sorted out now thanks in part to the manual. I almost turned around and took it back, but I stopped in a parking lot and read the section about the gear shift thingy.

I think I'll be glad to have my little car back when it's all said and done. And hopefully we will no more be parted.

In other news, I've now ovulated on my own for 3 months in a row. That's kid of special. What's not so special is the lenth of my luteal phase. I'm ovulating around day 16 or 17 and then starting my period around day 26 or 27. So there's that. But I'm pretty thrilled with the whole ovulation thing. Thanks, weight loss.

Make It Stop - Rise Against
London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines - Panic at the Disco
Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations
Open Book - Cake
Black Math - The White Stripes
Feels Good Inc - Gorillaz
Kiss My Lips - Borgore and Dev
Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - Panic at the Disco
Can't Wait One Minute More - CIV
Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys

Oops

So yesterday when I was leaving acupuncture I was involved in an injury accident. Ultimately it was my fault, so I got a ticket. Boo. According to the police report the guy was complaining of pain in his mid-section, so he was transported to the hospital. Unfortunately, I think he and his passenger are going to be the kind of people who totally exaggerate the impact of this. Super boo.
So my car is out of commission. I'm not excited about the body shop I've taken it to, but it'll do I guess. They said it might be the 2nd week of July before I get it back. Ugh. I'll be getting a rental car Monday morning. That's something.
Weight Watchers was good news today. I hit my initial 5% goal and it looks like I'm on track to lose 10 lbs total by next week.

Seven Nation Army
I'm on a Boat - The Lonely Island
Papa Won't Leave You, Henry - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Basket Case - Green Day
The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage - Panic at the Disco
These Things - She Wants Revenge
Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz
Punk Guy (Cause He Does Punk Things) - NOFX
Monday Morning - Melanie Fiona

Thursday Optimism

I'd like to congratulate myself for my accomplishments so far this year. When I started "running" in January 3 minutes was difficult and 5 minutes felt damn near impossible. And anything over that and I felt like I was going to die. Last night I had my fastest mile so far (10'21"). Also, back In January I was a at least a size 16. This week I've been wearing some size 12 pants and they're still a little snug, but they don't look obscene. It's so easy for me to focus on the not having a baby thing. I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by gestating fetuses. (And I guess in reality, the weight loss was spurred by the whole wanting a baby thing). But I'm starting to feel better about how I look and this is feeling good. Oh and for the first time in quite a few years I'm not obese. So there's that. I'm just a couple pounds away from my self-imposed goal before going back to treatment and I'm going to pass that by before I get back there. I'm on CD 6 right now, so there's this cycle and then the cycle that should start the first week of July. AND THEN I'll be back to it. I have a hard time believing I'm going to end up with a successful pregnancy, but I also had a hard time believing I could ever wear a size 12 again.



Just 20 min today:
It's No Good - Depeche Mode
Common People Pulp
Time to Dance - Panic at the Disco
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
John Finn's Wife - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Nothing much to say

Back down a bit and looking forward to Friday with only a run on the horizon.

Wednesday Mix:

Papa Won't Leave You, Henry - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Auf Achse - Franz Ferdinand
Your Woman - White Town
Rock'n'Roll Lifestyle - Cake
The Inevitable Return of the Great White Dope - The Bloodhound Gang
Shiny Happy People - R.E.M
Hell Yeah - The Bloodhound Gang

**********

Tuesday Mix:

Carlotta Valdez - Harvey Danger
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
Can't Wait One Minute More - CIV
Queer - Garbage
Comfort Eagle - Cake
Story of My Life - Social Distortion
Bright Future in Sales - Fountains of Wayne
Punk Guy (Cause He Does Punk Things) - NOFX
Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - Panic at the Disco
In the End - Linkin Park

Tuesday Mix and Modern Family Season Finale Spoiler

4.8 more pounds to go. Pretty sure I can make my deadline.

Last night we watched the season finale to Modern Family. Cameron and Mitch had a disappointment with their adoption quest and Mitch had a mini breakdown and they decided to take a break. And the portrayal of Mitch's frustration and emotional state was EXACTLY what I was experiencing before we decided to take a break. The whole trying not to get my hopes up, but getting them up anyway, the crushing disappointment when either the pregnancy didn't stick or there wasn't a pregnancy at all, the unending emotional pain . . . Everything he articulated was exactly how I felt and exactly why I felt such relief when I left the message with my doctor's office saying we were taking a break and I would call them when we were ready. It looks like we're almost ready (physically). I think I'm in a better place emotionally, but I don't know. I guess I won't know until I'm injecting the meds and my feet are back in the stirrups.

I am terrified. Absolutely terrified. Possible outcomes:
1. Nothing
2. Another loss
3. A successful pregnancy (which is really terrifying in another way)

What if we've spent all this time and money and we're not up to the task? What if we can't handle the disruption and noise and everything that comes with a baby? Maybe we'll never get a chance to address those issues. Maybe I'm so defective nothing will ever come of all this. Or maybe I'm with the wrong doctor. Maybe we would have seen success with someone else. Are we doing enough?

Yesterday's elliptical mix:

Let the Day Begin - The Call
Better off Dead - Bad Religion
Open Book - Cake
Go to the Bank - James
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
Bright Future in Sales - Fountains of Wayne
Camisado - Panic at the Disco
Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys
There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered . . . - Panic at the Disco
How's My Driving, Doug Hastings? - Less Than Jake
Just Like Frank - Less Than Jake
Just a Girl - No Doubt
Jaw, Knee, Music - NOFX
Build God, Then We'll Talk - Panic at the Disco
Army - Ben Folds Five

Sunday Funday

Weight Loss: +1.25%

The husband just left for work. While he was showering I got in a 20 minute program. After I write this I'll take the dog for a walk. She has an 8:00 grooming appointment. Then I'll stop at the grocery on the way home to pick up a granny smith apple and some mint, so I can make dog treats. Once I get home I'll start the treats. Then I'll probably elliptical some more. On the way to pick up the dog I'll be hitting up the library and a couple craft stores. Then home. Tonight for dinner we're trying out a couple of recipes for next weekend. A mushroom puff pastry tart and a chicken and zucchini main course. Maybe I'll get a show or two off the DVR too. We'll see.

This morning's mix:

1. Battleflag - Lo Fidelity Allstars



2. Should We Fight Back - The Parlotones



3. There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of it Yet - Panic at the Disco



4. Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes



5. Rock'n'Roll Lifestyle - Cake



6. Money - The Drums