Tuesday Mix and Modern Family Season Finale Spoiler

4.8 more pounds to go. Pretty sure I can make my deadline.

Last night we watched the season finale to Modern Family. Cameron and Mitch had a disappointment with their adoption quest and Mitch had a mini breakdown and they decided to take a break. And the portrayal of Mitch's frustration and emotional state was EXACTLY what I was experiencing before we decided to take a break. The whole trying not to get my hopes up, but getting them up anyway, the crushing disappointment when either the pregnancy didn't stick or there wasn't a pregnancy at all, the unending emotional pain . . . Everything he articulated was exactly how I felt and exactly why I felt such relief when I left the message with my doctor's office saying we were taking a break and I would call them when we were ready. It looks like we're almost ready (physically). I think I'm in a better place emotionally, but I don't know. I guess I won't know until I'm injecting the meds and my feet are back in the stirrups.

I am terrified. Absolutely terrified. Possible outcomes:
1. Nothing
2. Another loss
3. A successful pregnancy (which is really terrifying in another way)

What if we've spent all this time and money and we're not up to the task? What if we can't handle the disruption and noise and everything that comes with a baby? Maybe we'll never get a chance to address those issues. Maybe I'm so defective nothing will ever come of all this. Or maybe I'm with the wrong doctor. Maybe we would have seen success with someone else. Are we doing enough?

Yesterday's elliptical mix:

Let the Day Begin - The Call
Better off Dead - Bad Religion
Open Book - Cake
Go to the Bank - James
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
Bright Future in Sales - Fountains of Wayne
Camisado - Panic at the Disco
Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys
There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered . . . - Panic at the Disco
How's My Driving, Doug Hastings? - Less Than Jake
Just Like Frank - Less Than Jake
Just a Girl - No Doubt
Jaw, Knee, Music - NOFX
Build God, Then We'll Talk - Panic at the Disco
Army - Ben Folds Five

Let the Day Begin

Today was my first weight watcher's weigh-in. I'm down 2 pounds from last week's initial weight. I have 26 points per day. So far today I have 4 left. I'll definitely be using some of those 49 *extra* points today. I also earned 2 activity points with today's elliptical. On loseit.com I still have a little over 900 calories left for the day. I'm trying to meet both programs' restrictions in the hopes that I'll do even better. Six more pounds and I'll hit my 5% goal for WW and my self-imposed goal for returning to treatment.


This morning's mix:

How'd You Pin That One on Me - Dinosaur Jr
Auf Achse - Franz Ferdinand
Dammit - blink-182
Local God - Everclear
Hell Yeah - The Bloodhound Gang
Let the Day Begin - The Call
Shaking the Tree - Peter Gabriel
Girlfriend - Matthew Sweet