30 May 2013

9 weeks 1 Day

Well, tomorrow's another ultrasound. I stayed home from work yesterday, because my bleeding in the morning graduated from spotting to period-level bleeding. So I spent much of the day sleeping and the rest of it watching the rest of the first season of Downton Abbey, reading, eating, and a quick trip to library. The night before I was also in a lot of pain and barely slept. It was on my right side from my mid-back down to my upper thigh. I wound up taking some extra strength tylenol every 4 hours and that helped a little. By morning the pain was much less and by the end of the day it was gone completely.
I'm back at work today, but I fear I may have overdone it with unpacking some boxes in my office. Hopefully not. I'm still just spotting, but I had some abdominal discomfort so I stopped and got back to sedentary computer based activities.

28 May 2013

8 weeks 6 Days

Right now I am pregnant. I can't speak for tomorrow or next week or even this afternoon, but at this very moment I am pregnant. Today I am worried, because this morning was a bit beyond spotting. And for the first time in about a week there is red and not just brown. And I can't decide if there are cramps or not, so if there are they are not severe. I let myself go without eating long enough to get some morning nausea, because sometimes I just want to feel that to remind myself that I'm presently pregnant. And the worst part for me is being nervous about something happening today and not wanting to say anything to my husband. He starts a new job today, so I didn't even tell him I was worried about the change in bleeding this morning. I don't want him worrying about me all day. So I'm asking all the powers in the Universe to make today okay. Please please please make today and tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and the day after that okay.

20 May 2013

7 weeks, 5 days

Today I am pregnant. I don't know the future of this pregnancy, but as of today I have carried these embryos for 7 weeks and 5 days, which is longer than before. Saturday we thought we had lost them, but after a trip to the ER we learned they were still there--appropriately sized and hearts beating away. Since the story of Saturday is a bit on the gory side I've put it after the jump. You've been warned.

14 May 2013

Will I have any brown hair left at the end of this?

My wonderful wonderful doctor worked me in yesterday for an ultrasound to check on the little guys . . . and EVERYTHING'S FINE! Even better? She let me keep my original appointment for this Friday, so she could get another look at how they're growing.

13 May 2013

Mother's Day

It really does suck in its own special way. Facebook is HELL as everyone is posting trite tributes to moms in general. People who post specifically about the very specific moms in their life? No biggie. People who post sweeping generalizations about motherhood and the women who become mothers? How fortunate for you that you don't know what some people are going through.
Last week I thought it would be awful to find out I was losing a pregnancy the Thursday before Mother's Day--oh the cruelty. At the time I did not know I would wake up early Mother's Day to bleeding. I spent 2.5 days thinking the Universe wasn't awful and cruel then came yesterday. I'm hoping everything's okay since the actual bleeding didn't last very long and I've been back to spotting since yesterday morning. But there was some gray material I wiped away last night, so that's potentially not good. My doctor is working me in today at 11:45. Fingers crossed for good news. A little over 2 hours until I leave for the doctor.

09 May 2013

Fine . . . hope can stay a little bit longer

I had an ultrasound today and I saw 2 sacs and 2 heartbeats. So now I'll let myself officially feel a little bit excited. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my regular ob-gyn for what they call "OB Ed," so they can give me a big list of things to do and not do, I'm guessing. Then next Friday an appointment with my ob-gyn. Hopefully it's another ultrasound. And hopefully everyone's growing accordingly.

08 May 2013

That thing where you keep doing the same thing and you expect different results

So almost 2 weeks ago I had another positive pregnancy test. My first beta was over 1,000 and my 2nd was over 5,000. My first ultrasound was supposed to be this Friday. You know, the Friday before Mother's Day. Maybe it was because I had such high numbers, but despite my natural pessimism (and let's be honest I've earned this pessimism), once again I let myself experience hope. Fuck hope. I pictured putting a freshly printed ultrasound pic in my mom's Mother's Day card. Despite my non-belief in higher powers and fate and all that malarkey I let myself believe having my IUI on my recently deceased grandmother's birthday would mean something to the universe. So here we are 2 days before ultrasound (where I imagined I would see 2 perfect embryos) and I'm spotting with cramps. Since I've also been fighting a particularly nasty cold I've granted myself a sick day. I've decided to try that time honored home remedy of lying in a dark room feeling sorry for myself as I wait for my doc's office to call me back. Will it make everything (or anything) better? Probably not, but since nothing else will either I'm willing to give this a try.