28 June 2012

The Opposite of a Good Decision

Tonight we're redeeming a Groupon for our favorite vegetarian Indian restaurant. Uh oh. And it's a big one. 3 course tasting menu. The last time we were in we saw a couple tables using this very Groupon and omg . . . SO MUCH FOOD. Thus, I am very happy my weigh-in was today and I'm hoping my weight will recover in time for next week's weigh-in. Will it be delicious? Yes. Will my stomach burst? Probably. Will I recover in time to go running at the crack of dawn tomorrow? Perhaps.
So Weight Watchers . . . today I received my 5% star sticker AND my 10lbs weight loss blue ribbon. I'm like a hog at the fair! Good times.
I ellipticalled this morning, but my Google Music wasn't cooperating so I went back to Pandora, which was also kind of funky. Tomorrow we hope to run at the crack of dawn since we're in the midst of a heat wave. We'll see how our stomachs are doing. Of course my body tends to reject binges in a most unladylike way. I won't share any specific details. I've felt pretty unenergized the past couple mornings, so I'm wondering if I just need more calories. Yesterday and today I worked in a couple servings of frozen fruit. I'm going to try to remember a multivitamin.
Tomorrow is the first official CSA pickup. So excited. I think there's going to be summer squash! Yumyumyum.

27 June 2012

The Incredible Shrinking Human

Acupuncture this afternoon. I'm going to do my best not to be involved in a traffic accident on my way back to work today. Ugh. I hope no one from the clinic noticed me last week. I don't really want to explain myself.
I'm up a tad in weight, but I skipped the elliptical this morning. We're running this afternoon and then again Friday morning. So I'll elliptical tomorrow. I bought some clothes at Macy's this past weekend and when I tried the skirt on this morning, I thought maybe I should have gone down to a medium. (A medium?!) I know the mediums of today are a bit larger than the mediums of when I last wore the size, but I still never thought I'd be in a medium so soon. Honestly, just a few months ago an XL skirt was a tad tight on me and now L is borderline too big? Not going to lie. This feels good. For the first time in FOREVER I wasn't totally depressed when I was clothes shopping. Josh noticed that too.
This weekend I'm going to pack away all my still nice bigger clothes. If I ever do get pregnant, I'll probably need them when I'm losing baby weight. If I don't get pregnant then when I'll eventually give them away.

Yesterday's mix:

Papa Won't Leave You Henry - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Punk Guy ( Cause He Does Punk Things) - NOFX
What You Were - The Drums
I'm on a Boat - The Lonely Island
Open Book - Cake
Shaking the Tree - Peter Gabriel
Something Better - Pietasters
Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz

25 June 2012

God's Plan

The husband got into with some coworkers earlier this week. One of them said her daughter had just lost her job, but that it was okay because obviously this was all part of God's plan. So of course the husband had to speak up against that. He questioned why God would be interested in her fairly wealthy daughter's career path and not as interested in people who are starving and so forth. The answer was that some things are mysteries and can't be explained.
Let me back up for a moment and say the husband and I are Jewish, but we lean atheist. He more so than me. Not that I really believe in God or anything, but for the most part I don't give a crap.It doesn't bother me when people are hardcore believers as long as they leave me out of it. If one of my coworkers had said something similiar I probably would have ignored it and maybe said something to friends later. But the husband doesn't think religion has any place in our modern world and for some reason he wants to get into arguments.
Where I encounter the God's plan thing most and where it bugs the hell out of me involves procreation. I see stuff all the time where people say/ comment that people like me just need to calm down, because a pregnancy won't happen on our time, it happens on God's time. OH, THANKS.
Part of what really gets me about this God-pregnancy thing or God meddling in our lives thing is this: countless children (including infants) die every day at the hands of abusive parents. That's apparently one of those myseterious things God's okay with. Or maybe he's just way too busy taking care of all these rich peoples' careers and doesn't have time to notice that all these children are being born into shitty homes? The point is I'm not claiming we would be perfect parents, I'm saying I can pretty much guarantee our children will not be victims of abuse. I'll probably have high expectations for my child(ren) academically and behavior-wise, but there will be no beatings or beratings. So if I'm to listen to all these divine-plan people, these are my choices:
1. God has a plan for everyone and some people (including infants) are just meant to have horrible (and possibly very very short) lives.
2. God can't be bothered with the details of making sure people who want children and people who shouldn't have children get what's appropriate.
3. God only cares about rich people problems.
4. God doesn't want me to have a child for some reason.

Have I prayed for for a child? Did I ask God to continue my doomed pregnancies? No, to both. I did wish really hard, but I wouldn't call it praying.


I got my rental today. I've gone from driving a Ford Focus (for the past 12 years) to a Kia Sorento. I know there are bigger SUVs, but I feel like I'm driving one of these:

And apprently there's a manual shift option that I kept turning on during my initial drive. But that's all sorted out now thanks in part to the manual. I almost turned around and took it back, but I stopped in a parking lot and read the section about the gear shift thingy.

I think I'll be glad to have my little car back when it's all said and done. And hopefully we will no more be parted.

In other news, I've now ovulated on my own for 3 months in a row. That's kid of special. What's not so special is the lenth of my luteal phase. I'm ovulating around day 16 or 17 and then starting my period around day 26 or 27. So there's that. But I'm pretty thrilled with the whole ovulation thing. Thanks, weight loss.

Make It Stop - Rise Against
London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines - Panic at the Disco
Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations
Open Book - Cake
Black Math - The White Stripes
Feels Good Inc - Gorillaz
Kiss My Lips - Borgore and Dev
Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - Panic at the Disco
Can't Wait One Minute More - CIV
Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys

21 June 2012


So yesterday when I was leaving acupuncture I was involved in an injury accident. Ultimately it was my fault, so I got a ticket. Boo. According to the police report the guy was complaining of pain in his mid-section, so he was transported to the hospital. Unfortunately, I think he and his passenger are going to be the kind of people who totally exaggerate the impact of this. Super boo.
So my car is out of commission. I'm not excited about the body shop I've taken it to, but it'll do I guess. They said it might be the 2nd week of July before I get it back. Ugh. I'll be getting a rental car Monday morning. That's something.
Weight Watchers was good news today. I hit my initial 5% goal and it looks like I'm on track to lose 10 lbs total by next week.

Seven Nation Army
I'm on a Boat - The Lonely Island
Papa Won't Leave You, Henry - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Basket Case - Green Day
The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage - Panic at the Disco
These Things - She Wants Revenge
Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz
Punk Guy (Cause He Does Punk Things) - NOFX
Monday Morning - Melanie Fiona

18 June 2012

Spent Saturday in Cleveland with friends and ate too much good food, but I'm feeling pretty good about my weight today. It's higher than I'd like, but I know it's within a range that I'll still show some weight loss this week. Last week I read that women who eat 1/4 of their calories for breakfast are more successful with their weight loss, so I'm going to start trying to get at least 300 calories for my morning meal.

Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations
There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered . . . . - Panic at the Disco
Big Time - David Dallas
Sugarcane - Shaggy
Story of My Life - Social Distortion
Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz
Go to the Bank - James
What You Were - The Drums

14 June 2012

Thursday Optimism

I'd like to congratulate myself for my accomplishments so far this year. When I started "running" in January 3 minutes was difficult and 5 minutes felt damn near impossible. And anything over that and I felt like I was going to die. Last night I had my fastest mile so far (10'21"). Also, back In January I was a at least a size 16. This week I've been wearing some size 12 pants and they're still a little snug, but they don't look obscene. It's so easy for me to focus on the not having a baby thing. I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by gestating fetuses. (And I guess in reality, the weight loss was spurred by the whole wanting a baby thing). But I'm starting to feel better about how I look and this is feeling good. Oh and for the first time in quite a few years I'm not obese. So there's that. I'm just a couple pounds away from my self-imposed goal before going back to treatment and I'm going to pass that by before I get back there. I'm on CD 6 right now, so there's this cycle and then the cycle that should start the first week of July. AND THEN I'll be back to it. I have a hard time believing I'm going to end up with a successful pregnancy, but I also had a hard time believing I could ever wear a size 12 again.

Just 20 min today:
It's No Good - Depeche Mode
Common People Pulp
Time to Dance - Panic at the Disco
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
John Finn's Wife - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

13 June 2012

Nothing much to say

Back down a bit and looking forward to Friday with only a run on the horizon.

Wednesday Mix:

Papa Won't Leave You, Henry - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Auf Achse - Franz Ferdinand
Your Woman - White Town
Rock'n'Roll Lifestyle - Cake
The Inevitable Return of the Great White Dope - The Bloodhound Gang
Shiny Happy People - R.E.M
Hell Yeah - The Bloodhound Gang


Tuesday Mix:

Carlotta Valdez - Harvey Danger
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
Can't Wait One Minute More - CIV
Queer - Garbage
Comfort Eagle - Cake
Story of My Life - Social Distortion
Bright Future in Sales - Fountains of Wayne
Punk Guy (Cause He Does Punk Things) - NOFX
Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - Panic at the Disco
In the End - Linkin Park

11 June 2012


Elliptical today, because I'm up a pound-ish from early weekend debauchery or Indian buffet, how I love you! Anticipating a 20 min run tonight, elliptical tomorrow, elliptical and run on Wednesday, elliptical Thursday, and better choices over the weekend. We'll see. The past few weekends have ruined me.

I Don't Wanna Fall in Love - She Wants Revenge
Punk Guy (Cause He Does Punk Things) - NOFX
How to Operate witha Blown Mind - Lo Fidelity Allstars
Shaking the Tree - Peter Gabriel
Someone's Gonna Break Your Heart - Fountains of Wayne
You're the Only One That I Want - Less Than Jake
Killer Machine - Martin Luther
Disco Inferno - The Trammps

07 June 2012


Today I got 2 stickers in Weight Watchers (because we're in elementary school, you know). 1 for sharing my weight loss and 1 for losing my fist 5 lbs. hopefully next week i'll hit my 5% goal. but we'll see.

Johnny Quest Thinks We're Sellouts - Less Than Jake
But It's Better if You Do - Panic at the Disco
Open Book - Cake
Shiny Happy People - R.E.M
The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage - Panic at the Disco
Everlong - Foo Fighters
Sweet Caroline - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
In the End - Linkin Park
Shaking the Tree - Peter Gabriel

06 June 2012

Tuesday Mix and Modern Family Season Finale Spoiler

4.8 more pounds to go. Pretty sure I can make my deadline.

Last night we watched the season finale to Modern Family. Cameron and Mitch had a disappointment with their adoption quest and Mitch had a mini breakdown and they decided to take a break. And the portrayal of Mitch's frustration and emotional state was EXACTLY what I was experiencing before we decided to take a break. The whole trying not to get my hopes up, but getting them up anyway, the crushing disappointment when either the pregnancy didn't stick or there wasn't a pregnancy at all, the unending emotional pain . . . Everything he articulated was exactly how I felt and exactly why I felt such relief when I left the message with my doctor's office saying we were taking a break and I would call them when we were ready. It looks like we're almost ready (physically). I think I'm in a better place emotionally, but I don't know. I guess I won't know until I'm injecting the meds and my feet are back in the stirrups.

I am terrified. Absolutely terrified. Possible outcomes:
1. Nothing
2. Another loss
3. A successful pregnancy (which is really terrifying in another way)

What if we've spent all this time and money and we're not up to the task? What if we can't handle the disruption and noise and everything that comes with a baby? Maybe we'll never get a chance to address those issues. Maybe I'm so defective nothing will ever come of all this. Or maybe I'm with the wrong doctor. Maybe we would have seen success with someone else. Are we doing enough?

Yesterday's elliptical mix:

Let the Day Begin - The Call
Better off Dead - Bad Religion
Open Book - Cake
Go to the Bank - James
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
Bright Future in Sales - Fountains of Wayne
Camisado - Panic at the Disco
Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys
There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered . . . - Panic at the Disco
How's My Driving, Doug Hastings? - Less Than Jake
Just Like Frank - Less Than Jake
Just a Girl - No Doubt
Jaw, Knee, Music - NOFX
Build God, Then We'll Talk - Panic at the Disco
Army - Ben Folds Five