31 October 2012

Cycle Day 9: Halloween Edition

So at my ultrasound this morning there were quite a few follies, but they hadn't really grown much. We'll see what they say this afternoon after they get my estrogen level back. The blood draw guy said I don't talk much when I go in there. I almost said I don't talk much period, but instead I smiled and told him I'm just not a morning person.
In amazing news, it turns out we do qualify for HARP to refinance our mortgage. We're going to go from 7.357% to 2.875%. It's also going to be a 15 year loan instead of a 30. AND my payments are going to be less than what we're paying now!!!!! And best of all since it's HARP, there's no need for an appraisal. First I won a gift card to the grocery store, now the mortgage, what next? (Hopefully we're not using up all our luck on non-baby things).

Also, here's how we are with the finances for this cycle:
Monday: $60.57
Wednesday: $44.43
So the total so far is: $549.65

30 October 2012

Cycle Day 8: WTF October

As part of FRANKENSTORM, we had some gusting winds (which continue, I guess) and some wet snow this morning. So far no widespread power outages here, which is good with it being so cold.

Yesterday's estrogen number was 238. I checked my August cycle and the Day 8 number then was 127 and the lead follicle was 11. So I'm ahead. Hopefully we get some quality eggs.

29 October 2012

Cycle Day 7: Following the Leader

At this morning's ultrasound the lead follie was at 13 and there were 4 or 5 others at 10. So we'll see what the doc has to say about that this afternoon when they call with further instructions.
We saw the in-laws yesterday. It wasn't terrible. Now that the twins are older (almost 2) they don't bother me so much. But if I really start to think about it . . . they were born right after I had my first miscarriage. But thankfully my brain isn't taking it beyond that point. Last weekend? I probably would have fallen down that rabbit hole and not been able to crawl out for days and days and days. On the phone last night the ole MIL told my husband she thinks we would have cute babies. Thanks . . .
We're supposed to get high winds today and tomorrow as part of this hurricane/FRANKENSTORM thing. Hopefully we won't lose power. This time of year is so horrible. It's dark all the time AND cold. I'm thankful we're not in an area that's supposed to get 2-3 feet of snow or obviously all the flooding and damage that comes from being directly hit by the hurricane.

26 October 2012

Cycle Day 4: TGIF?

Last night marked the beginning of my injections. I picked them up from the pharmacy yesterday and spent $444.65 all together (gonal-f, novarel, and sharps container). It was going to be in the $600s, but apparently there's a discount program for gonal-f. So hooray.
Even though I still have 3 vials of Bravelle left, I started with the gonal-f pen last night. I was curious to see how it would work. It's supposed to be kept refirgerated and it's a pen with a "dial-a-dose" dealy, so yeah. When you prime the pen, a small bit of the meds comes out. My husband and I both thought it smelled bandagey. So that was weird-ish. On the whole it's a slightly different technique, and I'm not sure I like it just yet. With the Bravelle, it's an actual syringe and the plunger depresses MUCH further and it just feels like you've actually done something. But oh boy I'll sure get that feeling when it's time for the trigger shot. :(
We ran again on Wednesday and will go again tonight. I was slower Wednesday, but I think it was due to a combination of feeling like crap and 80 degree temps. Today's high is supposed to be 60, so we won't have that problem again. Still feeling a little jiggly in the butt area, but hopefully we can keep up the running through November and I'll get some muscle tone back. It'll still be under a layer of flab, but still . . .
And of all the things I'm not looking forward to . . . in-law visit on Sunday. Ugh.

23 October 2012

Cycle Day 1: Part Two (The Plan)

Starting Thursday I'll be back to my injections. I'll finish off the Bravelle (2 vials at a time) and then we're switching to gonal-f (150) because that's what the insurance covers now. Thanks, insurance for doing my doctor's job for her. Gonal-f is a bit different in that I don't mix the meds. They're in a pen and I just dial in the dose. Crazy. Monday I go for my first ultrasound.

Cycle Day 1: Here We Go Again

I actually started my period last night, but since it was after 6 pm, today is DAY ONE. We went running last night. When we got home we took our showers and had dinner. During dinner I felt crampy, but I wasn't sure if it was dehydration. After dinner I went to the bathroom and HELLO! Not just dehydration. We only ran for 10 minutes and walked for 25. I felt pretty good for the 10 minutes and just a little jiggly. I'm still under the goal weight for going back to treatment, so that's good.
I knew this was coming--and not just from the days on the calendar. Yesterday afternoon I was feeling so ridiculously low. Living seemed like an insurmountable burden. But not in a dangerously close to suicide way. It was more how can I possibly take another step? How can I do anything other than lie under the covers in my bed? I did feel a bit better after our run, but I figured it was either period time or I was pregnant (ha!). We did have a few days of unprotected sexytimes around ovulation, but  . . . right.
So here we are. We still haven't done the karyotyping, but I  think maybe that'll be tomorrow. I have been taking my levothyroxine every day for nearly 3 weeks now. I go for the followup bloodwork November 12th.
Another thing we've decided to focus on--refinancing our mortgage. Fingers crossed that we can do it.

15 October 2012

Back to Reality

sunset from 2nd Ave Pier
Sunset from the 2nd Ave Pier, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
 Myrtle Beach was just what I needed. There was some time for contemplation, but for the most part it was just spending time with family. There are few things a week on a beach can't fix. Or maybe not fix exactly, but definitely ease. It was rough getting back into the daily routine this morning. What do you mean I can't stay in bed until 9:00? No lounging at the beach reading Diana Gabaldon? What kind of life is this?

Also, exciting was the Browns win over the Bengals yesterday.

02 October 2012

Some Things

  1. My doctor doesn't believe in taking time off after a pregnancy loss. She thinks I might just sit around and cry and dwell on things. Fuck her. I'm going to Medieval Times. There's no crying at Medieval Times. Or the Lazy River at the hotel pool!
  2. The insurance company requires pre-auth on all genetic testing. Hey, Tea Partiers, this isn't Obamacare. The government's not deciding what kind of medical care I can receive. This is the SOP of insurance companies, because for some reason the insurance companies get to decide what level of care patients receive. Apparently they know better than the doctors.
  3. Apparently in the authorization letter the insurance company faxed my doctor's office they have given the authorization to test, but they're not guaranteeing that they'll pay for the test. WTF insurance company? Either you're paying or you're not, because I'm sure as hell not paying out of pocket for genetic testing.
  4. My TSH level is higher than the doctor likes, so I'm going to start thyroid medication. Some internet posters feel thyroid meds are magical and I should be able to get pregnant with a million babies once I start meds. Looking forward to that.
  5. My parents called last night to say they want to help pay for part of last cycle's meds. Forget all the bad things I've ever said about them. Well, maybe not all . . . .
  6. We went running after work yesterday. First time in about 1.5 months. More jiggling than I remember. I've only gained about 1-2 lbs since stopping running, but apparently it's all fat!

01 October 2012

Is Everything Okay?

yes, no, and i don't know

I think I'm mostly okay, but sadness comes in waves. And when it comes I'm sad about EVERYTHING. Another miscarriage. One day my parents are going to die. One day Josh is going to die. I'm going to die. One of us will have to live without the other for a period of time. Things like that rush in and I can't keep them out. What if the insurance company doesn't approve the genetic testing? What if I hit the lifetime max on the infertility insurance? And on and on and on.

I'm afraid the doctor will only agree to write a note about my pending absence if I agree to counseling. I'm not interested in counseling. Counseling has never done much for me. If she says that I guess I'll just use my vacation time.