01 October 2012

Is Everything Okay?

yes, no, and i don't know

I think I'm mostly okay, but sadness comes in waves. And when it comes I'm sad about EVERYTHING. Another miscarriage. One day my parents are going to die. One day Josh is going to die. I'm going to die. One of us will have to live without the other for a period of time. Things like that rush in and I can't keep them out. What if the insurance company doesn't approve the genetic testing? What if I hit the lifetime max on the infertility insurance? And on and on and on.

I'm afraid the doctor will only agree to write a note about my pending absence if I agree to counseling. I'm not interested in counseling. Counseling has never done much for me. If she says that I guess I'll just use my vacation time.

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