Canyonero

I got my rental today. I've gone from driving a Ford Focus (for the past 12 years) to a Kia Sorento. I know there are bigger SUVs, but I feel like I'm driving one of these:



And apprently there's a manual shift option that I kept turning on during my initial drive. But that's all sorted out now thanks in part to the manual. I almost turned around and took it back, but I stopped in a parking lot and read the section about the gear shift thingy.

I think I'll be glad to have my little car back when it's all said and done. And hopefully we will no more be parted.

In other news, I've now ovulated on my own for 3 months in a row. That's kid of special. What's not so special is the lenth of my luteal phase. I'm ovulating around day 16 or 17 and then starting my period around day 26 or 27. So there's that. But I'm pretty thrilled with the whole ovulation thing. Thanks, weight loss.

Make It Stop - Rise Against
London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines - Panic at the Disco
Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations
Open Book - Cake
Black Math - The White Stripes
Feels Good Inc - Gorillaz
Kiss My Lips - Borgore and Dev
Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - Panic at the Disco
Can't Wait One Minute More - CIV
Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys

Tuesday Mix and Modern Family Season Finale Spoiler

4.8 more pounds to go. Pretty sure I can make my deadline.

Last night we watched the season finale to Modern Family. Cameron and Mitch had a disappointment with their adoption quest and Mitch had a mini breakdown and they decided to take a break. And the portrayal of Mitch's frustration and emotional state was EXACTLY what I was experiencing before we decided to take a break. The whole trying not to get my hopes up, but getting them up anyway, the crushing disappointment when either the pregnancy didn't stick or there wasn't a pregnancy at all, the unending emotional pain . . . Everything he articulated was exactly how I felt and exactly why I felt such relief when I left the message with my doctor's office saying we were taking a break and I would call them when we were ready. It looks like we're almost ready (physically). I think I'm in a better place emotionally, but I don't know. I guess I won't know until I'm injecting the meds and my feet are back in the stirrups.

I am terrified. Absolutely terrified. Possible outcomes:
1. Nothing
2. Another loss
3. A successful pregnancy (which is really terrifying in another way)

What if we've spent all this time and money and we're not up to the task? What if we can't handle the disruption and noise and everything that comes with a baby? Maybe we'll never get a chance to address those issues. Maybe I'm so defective nothing will ever come of all this. Or maybe I'm with the wrong doctor. Maybe we would have seen success with someone else. Are we doing enough?

Yesterday's elliptical mix:

Let the Day Begin - The Call
Better off Dead - Bad Religion
Open Book - Cake
Go to the Bank - James
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
Bright Future in Sales - Fountains of Wayne
Camisado - Panic at the Disco
Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys
There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered . . . - Panic at the Disco
How's My Driving, Doug Hastings? - Less Than Jake
Just Like Frank - Less Than Jake
Just a Girl - No Doubt
Jaw, Knee, Music - NOFX
Build God, Then We'll Talk - Panic at the Disco
Army - Ben Folds Five

Thursday

Only 20 minutes today. I got so distracted by my marvelous weight. Today I am overweight. Huzzah. And less than 10 lbs to go until I start back with the fertility treatments. So that's also kind of exciting.



How's My Driving, Doug Hastings? - Less Than Jake
Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys
I Found a Reason - VHS or Beta
Army - Ben Folds Five
Jaw, Knee, Music - NOFX
My Goddess - The Exies
Money - The Drums

Tuesday

This week I'm starting a healthy living challenge. It's being hosted by the county extension offices. Yesterday we got our first email and this week we're supposed to focus on getting 6-8 cups of water/day. The water bottle I drink out of holds 3 cups, so it wasn't too difficult to get to the goal. We're also supposed to track our exercise. The goal is 30 minutes at least 3 times a week. To meet that I'm adding back the elliptical on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. I'm almost halfway to my goal weight (after 4 months). Hopefully it doesn't take another 4 months to lose the rest. I'd like to be back to treatment by the end of July.
Elliptical Mix
1. Old Hat
2. Tear You Apart
3. London Beckoned Songs About Money Written by Machines
4. Mi Chico Latino
5. Collapsing Cities
6. Jaw, Knee, Music - NOFX
7. Dammit
8. Cadence to Arms
9. Battle Flag

Back Again

I've been getting acupuncture since January. We also started running 3 times a week as part of the couch to 5k program. I don't think we're hitting 3 miles a time yet. Well, J could easily, but I'm not there yet. We're done with the program and now just run 30 minutes each time. Last night we stopped at 21, because it was in the 80s and I was ready to drop over dead. I guess that's a danger of starting training in the dead of winter. Now anything above 60 degrees feels too hot when I'm running.Lots of pregnancies and such going on around as usual. I try not to get too hung up on any of them, but it's hard. I don't suffer any delusions that we'll be perfect parents, but . . .

Today's Elliptical Mix:
1. Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys

2. What You Were - The Drums

3. Old Hat - Harvey Danger

4. Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men

5. Maybe You're Coming Down with It - The High Strung

6. Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge

7. The Bad Touch - The Bloodhound Gang

8. Auf Achse - Franz Ferdinand

9. Girlfriend - Matthew Sweet

10. Dammit - Blink 182

Thursday Mix

Weight Loss: 3.9%(I've adjusted my weight loss goal, so the old percentages no longer apply).

I woke up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and the dog woke up at 4 am. When I took her out at 4 am there was a bit of excitement. 2 police cruisers and a tow truck. The tow truck guy was loading a black pickup truck. The husband is fairly certain I witnessed a repo. And a Merry Christmas to you.
A consequence of the dog getting me up an hour earlier than usual was my inability to fall back to sleep. I found myself thinking of my grandfather. We're coming up on the anniversary of his death and it's still really hard for me to deal with.

Today's music for a 20 min elliptical program:

1. Crazy - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes



2. Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys



3. The Bad Touch - The Bloodhound Gang



4. Money - The Drums



5. Mi Chico Latino - Geri Halliwell



6. Heart in Your Heartbreak - Pains of Being Pure at Heart



7. What You Were - The Drums

Tuesday Evening Elliptical Mix

Better embedded or with links? I think embedded.

1. But It's Better If You Do - Panic at the Disco

2. Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys

3. Army - Ben Folds Five

4. Battleflag - Lo Fidelity Allstars

5. Should We Fight Back - The Parlotones

6. Sugarcane - Shaggy

A Rededication

Bravelle and IUI didn't work out. So this cycle I'm back to letrozole, because we wanted to do something, but not spend a lot of money. Husband isn't home a lot, so if we mess up our timing we won't be out a crap-ton of money. Tomorrow I get my mid-cycle ultrasound scan and then they'll tell me when to trigger and our sexytimes schedule.
Today I have decided I'm really going to work on this whole losing 10% of my weight thing (it's been shown that sometimes that jump starts the ole fertility). We'll see how long this manic episode lasts. I'm counting this morning's weight as the beginning of the 10%. So far I ellipticalled to the second half of a Charmed episode (Season 4, Episode 6) and then after Husband left for work I did a 20 minute program with my Google Music Let's Get Physical Playlist.
Today's musical accompaniment:
1. Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphys
2. Battleflag - Lo Fidelity Allstars
3. Mi Chico Latino - Gerri Halliwell
4. Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge
5. Crazy - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
6. These Things - She Wants Revenge

Now to shower and head to work. I'll probably do some cleaning when I get home. Maybe take the dog for a walk.